Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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