Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
