Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
