dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
