I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
