Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
