so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He has the fingertips of a God
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