I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
