i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
