I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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