he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
