Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
