oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
