summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
