Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
