You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
