Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
