I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
