How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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