So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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