margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
