I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
