I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
