i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
