i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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