Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize