So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
