Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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