Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
