no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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