that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sext me about skeletons
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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