I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
