You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
