Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
