high people should be assigned attendants
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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