It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
