Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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