Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
