Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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