so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
