Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
