Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
