Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
