I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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