Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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