I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
