So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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