its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
