i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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