I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
