Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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