i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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