four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
