I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
