My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
