Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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