is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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