Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
