GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
