Dual....:-)
Your face is a jimmy john
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
