I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
