why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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