mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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