Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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