I wish my penis had an off switch
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
