just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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