My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
