I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
