can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize