Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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