My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
