i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
