I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
